with your own penis?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
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