Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
