i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
