either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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