You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
