I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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