at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
