oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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