"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
