so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
