When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
