Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
