Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
