let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize