I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
