I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
pop tarts are not kleenex
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
