This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
