Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
