I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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