By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
