you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
