How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
