my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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