Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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