there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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