I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize