remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
