you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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