he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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