Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
