My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
