Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
