I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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