Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
