You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
