I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
