I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
