My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
