I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
