Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
