sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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