I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
