It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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