TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
