...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
