did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
