whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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