So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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