My first STD was from a foam party
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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