My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
