maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
