dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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