Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
