My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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