if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
