i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
