My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
