you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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