Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
