sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
