He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
