I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
