I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i think i have herpe
just one?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
