I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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