Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
