why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
