so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
that's an acceptable place to lick
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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