Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
