yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize