You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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