my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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