No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
